Jon "skalie" Kalmar is a self-proclaimed “fat lazy bloke who found out playing poker was easier than working.”
Jon "skalie" Kalmar plays his poker with Ladbrokes Poker. Sign up with the firm here using bonus code MAXIMUMBONUS and get up to $1000 free with the firm.
Kalmar has been a professional poker player for nearly four years and while he says that he doesn’t take the game too seriously, do not be fooled, “skalie” has become one of the UK’s most feared players.
His best result came when he finished fifth in the WSOP main event in 2007 - here we get an insight into the life of a professional poker player as Jon "skalie" Kalmar blogs on his return to the WSOP Main Event in Vegas.
Tuesday 29th June
Flying to Vegas has now become a pain as direct flights from Manchester are pretty much non existent. So instead, you need to fly from Gatwick. Meaning an extra flight to London and sweating over missing your connection or driving down the night before. Luckily one of the great things about travelling with Kevin is his complete disregard for money. He had booked a jet to fly us from Blackpool to Gatwick. He was whining when we arrived because the helicopter that was supposed to fly him from his house to Blackpool was grounded due to bad weather. Poor guy had to use a car.
t the airport, the Red Arrows were sat on the tarmac, although Kev hadn’t actually hired them to escort us, it would not have surprised me to hear he had. I took the opportunity to get a photo of me leaning on one, and was a little dismayed to see I was bigger than the plane.
For the last couple of years I have had a host at the MGM and this year I had convinced Kev and a few others to join us. On the strength of this, I blagged a 2 bedroom skyloft. Seriously, I could fit my modest 3 bedroom semi detached inside this thing at least twice. The host had promised us the first 8 nights are comped, after which he will analyse our play. Although everyone likes a punt, I suspect we need to do some serious gambling to get this for free. We may be in the Imperial Palace before this trip is over.
Wednesday 30th
Quiet day lounging at the pool then over to the Mirage’s Rhumbar bar for a few drinks with the Ladbrokes guys. Here, we met Steve Davis and Jeanie and after a few beverages Kila and myself joined them for diner at Joe’s Crabs Shack. My first experience of this restaurant, was last year with Ladbrokes and have to say I would recommend it to anyone.
The bodies of these crabs are relatively small and so are rarely eaten, but the claws (chelae), which are large and strong enough to break an oyster's shell, are seen by many to be a delicacy. Harvesting involves removing one or both claws from the live animal and returning it to the sea where it can re-grow the lost limb(s). To be kept, claws must be 70 mm long, measured from the tips of the immovable finger to the first joint. If both claws are legal size they can both be used. Studies have shown that removing both claws does not harm the Florida stone crab in any way when removed correctly. In fact further studies have shown that by removing both claws, Florida stone crabs are forced to eat sea grass which has been proven to be healthier for their diet and regenerate their claws faster and female Florida stone crab have more baby stone crabs since they are unable to fend off the advancements of the male crabs. It is these studies what caused the State of Florida to change the laws to allowing two claws to be removed instead of just one.
Thursday 1st
The night of the Ladbrokes party, and this year it was in TAO in the Venetian. A very lar de dar place and we were treated to free drinks and a swanky buffet. On entry they stamp your wrist to give you free entrance to the club. Why are these stamps harder to remove?
The queue for this place was unreal. If I didn’t know better I’d have thought Barry Neville was in the final of a major poker event and all his debtors had turned up early in the hope to get paid.
As nice as the club was, it was obscenely noisy. And a few of us decided to go to the Irish bar in New York New York. After the band and many Guinness later we ended up playing black jack. At least we ran up a few points to keep the host happy. I swear if I gave as much to charity they’d knight me.
Friday 2nd
After spending the entire morning trying to wash off the TAO tattoo, it was time to play poker and today was the $2500 event 56. An event attended by the Ladbrokes qualifiers. There was a last longer bet and the top 5 finishing players each received a main event package and an extra $3500 spending money. Must be nice! Unfortunately I wasn’t eligible to win, sigh!
With close to 2000 runners it was a huge event and the first prize of 830k would be very nice indeed. Despite a lack of cards I somehow finished the day with around 23k which was about average. Considering I never really got a stack together at any part of the day it was pretty pleased with it.
Saturday 3rd
Still not picking up many premium hands but after a double up with AJ vs TT I was up to 40k. With the blinds on 600/1200 a player in early position raised to 3k. Everyone folded and I called with AJ of diamonds in the BB. The flop came 9 9 6 with 2 diamonds. I thought it very unlikely my opponent would hold a 9 but he could easily give me credit for one. Considering the size of raise my range would obviously be wider than normal. I check the flop and my opponent bets 5k, I raise to 14k. He calls and the turn came a black queen. I push all in. He calls in a flash and flips over AQ. Yes I know I had the worst hand, but he must know I was committing to a push on the turn and he could be drawing very thin indeed. Needless to say I missed my flush and busted out about 50 places short of the money.
I couldn’t make up my mind whether to play cash or a $2000 satellite for the main event. I decided I would start with the cash and see how it goes. I sat on a 5/10 NL table and after about a hour I had flopped the nuts straight only to lose to runner, runner full house and ran pocket kings into aces. It was not my day.
I bumped into Kev during his break who I had swapped 10% with in the 2.5k. He asked if I was going to play the 2k sat. After the day I’d had I was in no mood to throw another 2k away. Though I would play it to try and win him a main event seat.
I started well and had doubled up before the end of level one. Some guy just seemed to get the needle with me re-raising. Truth was, I had him beat every time, but he got frustrated and ended up giving me the rest of his chips.
Approaching the bubble the cards had completely dried up and when I found pocket nines it was a simple push for 20k only to run into aces. However, on this occasion I managed to spike a lucky nine on the flop and get the double up. Hope I get some luck like that the next time I’m playing with my money, doh!
There were 24 seats up for grabs and $5400 for 25th. Each player who wins a seat receives $200 bucks each. The idea of this is its thought the players will leave the $200 for the dealers. We had worked out that if everyone agreed to give up the $200 then there would be enough for 25 seats and the short stacks could tip the dealers. Most agreed but as ever there is always one awkward one. I couldn’t help but feel for the 25th place finisher. While waiting in line to get paid out, the awkward player asked me what I had in a previous pot when I’d bet into him. Annoyed with him I decided to tell him the truth “quite frankly I had you down as a complete fish and I was sure if I called, you would fold to a donk bet on the flop”. I doubt that is what he wanted to hear.
Sunday 4th
Kev had not only made the money but was still in great shape in the 2.5k with only around 70 players left. I caught a car with him to rail for a bit and maybe play a sit and go satellite for the main event. I managed to get a seat for a $1030 10 seat table. As ever with these things there is normally a last longer bet. And 8 of the 10 joined in for $200. The two who didn’t were in fact the first two out, hmmmm maybe they knew something.
Down to 5 players I had a huge lead and everyone was begging for a deal. “Lets just split it 5 ways”
I licked my fingers and gave my forehead a good rub to see if anyone had wrote “MUG” on it while I wasn’t looking. “Give me 3.5k and I will do it” I said quite generously but they all wanted more. Ok carry on. I knocked out the next guy and we are down to 4.
“4.5k, you lot do what you want” we carry on.
I take out the next 2 and when finally heads up with this girl I had 42k of the 50k in play. We didn’t talk deal but she said can we chop the last longer money. I offered her $400 of the 1600 and she snapped my hand of.
After a while I got her all in with kj against k3. She spiked the 3 and doubled up. She asked for the deal again. Knowing how these things can quickly turn I offered her 3k and again she snapped my hand off. Maybe a little generous but considering how id been running locking up a small win seemed like the right thing to do.
I bumped into a good friend the previous night during the satellite called Stu Fox. Many may know him on Ladbrokes as Collins3. A very good player with two runner-up places in WSOP events amongst many other results. He had been invited to a freeroll event at the Hard Rock casino and I’d agreed to join him. With free drinks and to be attended by the very lovely Shannon Elizabeth I agreed to go. This had now left me in a quandary and Kev was still going well in the 2.5K and I wanted to rail. Not wanting to let him down I decided to go.
After many a Jack Daniels I had managed to run out of chips. Mainly due to calling Stu’s all in with pocket 4’s. Not a call I would ever normally make but I couldn’t resist knocking him out. Stu didn’t win, another rock had called my re-push with the monster AJ, after catching the jack we were both off to the bar.
After the freeroll, there was a party planned at a club. Hard Rock is famed for playing alternative music and it hadn’t escaped my attention that there was a pretty impressive collection of Mohican hair cuts knocking about. It hadn’t dawned on me why. On the way to the entrance I saw a T-shirt stand selling merchandise for a band called the Addicts. I asked why and was told they were playing in 10 minutes. WOW! For one reason or another I had always missed them play at many a punk festival I’d attended. I just had to go in for a bit. I promised Stu I would catch up after id watched the first half hour. He and the others then left in cabs. In the meantime I was being refused entry to the club.
“You can’t come in without I.D”
Now I know I look very young for my age (Ahem!) but this still surprised me.
“I’m 37 years old pal, as flattering as it is to be asked just let me in eh!”
Apparently it’s a state law and the guy was not for turning. I spoke to a guy on the stand and offered 100 bucks if he could get me in. He pulled out his phone and called his boss.
“I need you NOW here at the stand, quickly”
His boss arrived and swapped the $100 bill in my hand for a stage pass and took me round the back. Despite arguing with the other bouncer that I was in fact a family friend member of the lead singer I was still not getting in without ID. DOH!
Nothing for it, back to the hotel to get my passport. The taxi queue was enormous so I said to the valet to wave me a limo to save time. As he walked me towards them I said, “Look mate I don’t need a limo I am just in a big hurry, here is 20 bucks get me a cab. “TAXI!!!!!”
I love this city!
Back at the room Kila and Leona were watching the updates on the internet. There were just 16 left and Kev had been crippled by a few bad beats. I couldn’t simply rush off so had a drink in the room while we anxiously waited on news. Eventually we got some, and it was bad, he was out. However he had won over $37k and had put on a very good performance.
Knowing it would take him a while to fill out paper work I rushed back to the hard rock and caught the last 20mins before returning to the MGM for drinks with Kev. Unfortunately I never did get to that party!
Monday 5th July
After taking it easy by the pool we headed over to the Hard rock casino to the exclusive Ladbrokes $100 event. Ladbrokes had generously added a Killarney Package for the winner. After a sick cooler where I had flopped 2 pair, my opponent, happymaxy, was unable to fold his middle set. (I could type all sorts of words to describe my feelings at this point). After a few drinks at the bar we headed over to the Imperial Palace for a quick sing song on the Karaoke and then to the Carnival Court to watch the barmen impress us with ridiculous juggling acts. Although a relatively quiet night Steve Davis had began to look a little worse for wear. I dunno, Bill Werbenick would turn in his grave to know a fellow snooker player was such a lightweight.
Tuesday 6th July
It’s time for the Main Event at the Rio. After struggling to find my seat, it turns out it was on a media table. Not a full blown feature table with cameras but a stand alone one next to all the reporters. I wondered why, but when there I saw Phillip Hilm, a fellow 2007 finalist and to my right was 2006 champion Jamie Gold. Jamie obviously not recognising me or Philip (not that he should) said we were all here cos of him. The fact he got knocked out within 3 hours would suggest he was right. It saved the reporters following him the time to walk around to see how he blew his chips.
Two seats to my left was a guy with the worlds greatest ‘tell’. Now don’t get carried away with what you see on the TV. Physical tells are not as big a part of the game as Hollywood would make you think. Nobody has eyesight good enough to see your pupils dilate 10 feet across a table. Nor will they know you’re bluffing cos you pick your nose or scratch your bum, but now and again you spot something. And this was unmistakeable. Every time he hit the flop he would pause and then literally lean over the table and glare at the cards for a good 3 or 4 seconds, almost standing up from his seat to do so. Unfortunately the guy was not that good a player and so it was difficult to know if he had the nuts or a just a hand he really liked. If he doesn’t know how strong his hand is it’s hard to know how reliable the tell is. Sadly for me twice I held the second nuts only for him to show the nuts. At least the tell allowed me to keep the pot size controllable.
After Jamie’s exit and with the exception of the guy with the increasingly stiff neck, I can honestly say it was one of the toughest tables I have ever played at the WSOP. Everyone could play and the fish couldn’t miss. I decided to stay out of harms way, a strategy that worked well for me. By 11.30pm I finished the day with 47k, just above average.
Due to the sheer numbers in the Rio the queue for a taxi is ridiculous. So biglad, yobenike and myself decided to have a couple of drinks at the bar and give it an hour to see if things calm down. By 5am things had calmed down nicely.
Wednesday 7th July
Tonight was the last for many of the Ladbrokes players and staff. It was also the night of the Pub crawl. Ok, it isn’t really a pub crawl in the same way as you would have one back in the UK but it’s about the best we can do.
We start the night in O’Shea’s Casino, the cheapest casino on the strip. Not what you would call a salubrious establishment, not for Vegas at least. But it is CHEAP! And vegas aint vegas with out a group of drunken revellers. After several pints to freshen up we moved next door to the Karaoke bar at the Imperial Palace.
The Imperial Palace has seen better days, so much so, that the large sports book area has been reduced in the last few years and the karaoke has been set up there. Again, not the fanciest bar in town but it’s a great laugh and with a wide selection of songs to choose from anyone can find something to sing.
I started the ball rolling with my rendition of the classic My Way. With Vegas used to hearing the Frank Sinatra version I suspect they were a little shocked to know Sid Vicious had even covered it. So much so heads peered around the corner of the sports book to see just exactly what was happening.
After being treated to tunes by richypal and his good lady amongst others, a few of us had lasted long enough for the final section of the night at the Carnival court. If you ever go to Vegas you must try this place at least once. If only to see the bar men balance around 8 glasses and bottles on their head and walk around the circular bar. A feat that must be seen to be believed.
Thursday 8th July
I awoke sometime in the afternoon realising we had in fact slept in. Ok, maybe there were no real plans to get up at a specific time but 3.30pm was a little late regardless. On my phone I found a text from Julian Gardener.
“Getting Married today, fancy some drinks at MGM later.”
Worried I may have missed the wedding I called Kev who assured me nobody knew they were getting wed until they received the same text. As the Skyloft was ideal for hosting guests we ordered food and booze and Kev invited everyone to ours for drinks. By 11.30 we had run out so we all made it down to the Bar in the casino.
With the drinks were flowing I introduced people to a drinking game called “Chinny Chinny”. In reality it’s not a drinking game, it’s just a way of setting up a stooge for laughs. On this occasion it was to be Rory Brown.
The game is simple. Each player takes it in turns. You touch the person to your lefts face, repeating the name of that part of the face twice. For instance “Chinny! Chinny!” or “Cheeky! Cheeky!”.
I start with ash on my fingers and turn to Rory, “Nosey Nosey!”. Every time Rory leant over to touch the next person I pop my fingers back in the ashtray and reload.
“Cheeky! Cheeky!”
“Chinny! Chinny!”
“Ear-y! Ear-y!”
“Foreheady! Foreheady!”
He had begun to take on the appearance on a Yorkshire coal miner.
I really am not sure what made us laugh more, his appearance, his imagination (Cranium!! Cranium!, double chinny!, double chinny!) or the fact he let out a huge cheer when everyone had finished their drinks and he thought he’d won.
Due to the unfortunate smoking ban in the UK this game has sadly become a distant memory back home.
Friday 9th July
With my second day of the Main Event set for Saturday it was time to give my liver a rest. Julian took us for dinner at the Wynn Country Club restaurant. Overlooking the eighteenth hole of the Wynn Golf course. I can honestly say it was 1 of my top 3 favourite ever meals. When you’ve been eating out so much in Vegas, this is no simple task.
Saturday 10th July
Day 2, and my table draw was not kind again, seven very capable players and one miracle worker. The miracle worker had been on a friend’s table the day before. He informed me he plays any two, and won’t fold when he hits something. Anything! Best way to play him is let him make the action and value bet when the opportunity arises.
With the blinds at 300/600 I had almost doubled my stack to 95k, when I find AK of diamonds. The chosen one (who had just recognised me from my WSOP final) had raised to 1400. I elect to call in position. If I miss I can simply throw it away but if I hit I can take down a very tasty pot. The flop comes down As Qd 7s. He immediately bets out 3500 which I call. I did consider raising here and with 2 spades on the board against anyone else I would. The turn brings the 3 of spades which he checks to me. I bet 5,000 and he quickly raises to 15,000. Nothing felt right, I was certain I was still good, his mannerisms screamed a bluff. I was certain he was making a play and was desperate to show me the bluff. I call the extra 10k and the river comes the 5 of spades. He checks to me and I am happy to check too. He announces 2 pair. I thought I had misread the situation entirely. Expecting him to flip over AQ, he showed 5 3 of diamonds. Disappointed was not the word I would use to describe my mood.
After a roller coaster of a day going up to 120k and down to 45k I was pleased to finish with a stack of 96k, a little above average. All things considered I was pretty pleased with this result.
We stuck to the regime of a quick drink and wait for the chaos to calm down at the taxi queue. I am not certain it takes 5 hours to die down but why take the chance?
Sunday 11th July
Everyone still in the main event got a day off today ready to merge the entire field on day 3. This was fortunate as it was World Cup final day.
I set had my alarm so to be sure to be up in time to watch it. Although waking up and switching the TV on I continued to slip in and out of consciousness but was awake to see the late Spanish winner.
My phone beeps with a text message from Julian informing me they were off for a game of golf in 15 minutes. Doh! Talk about short notice. A quick jump in the shower I rushed down to the lobby to get a cab and meet everyone there. The course was miles away, but at just $100 including buggy and club hire it was very reasonable indeed. Not least considering how nice the course was. Surrounded by huge houses and situated in at the foot of the Nevada mountains it was certainly one of the nicest courses I have been lucky enough to play.
In our four ball I teamed up with Marty Smyth against Paddy “treemore” O’Connor and George McKeever. To make things fair me and Paddy played off 36 and Marty and George off 18. By the 8th hole to make it even fairer I played off 28 and Paddy got his handicap increased to 54.
After scouring the earth, searching high and low, over mountains and under oceans, finally I find a golfer worse than me. treemore!
It was a momentous day.